There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
