return my video game
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
