Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
