Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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