Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What drink are we having for lunch?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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