So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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