I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
