i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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