ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
