make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
