i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
