im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
