Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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