I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
