oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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