Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
