don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
