DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
