mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
