Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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