My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
