using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
