just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
