I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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