Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
