i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
