we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
