His pubic hair was longer than his dick
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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