About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
