I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
