So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
