Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
