I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
