Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
