I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
