My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
