He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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