Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
