If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
