i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
