I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
