How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
