Cold hands, warm shart.
Sponge bath it is.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
