Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
