Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
