Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
