Are we in a gay sports bar?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
