Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
