Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
