I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
