I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
